Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
