I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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