In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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