Got a toothbrush?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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