my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
