I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just threw up on my dentist
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
