I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
