i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So apparently I’m into choking now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
