He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize