You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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