Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
