3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
