woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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