Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
one might say we're banned from that church
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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