I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
