Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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