I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just want nice things and good sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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