Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
