Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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