Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
