You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
