You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize