Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I faked an abortion last night.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
