I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
