it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
