Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
