After last night, I could never be a politician.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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