just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
