Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
