Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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