Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
