youre lurking in front of me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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