Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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