Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
