Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
