Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
