and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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