just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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