I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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