Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
