i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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