Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
