Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
