my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize