you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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