are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
