i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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