How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
