if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
