Little spoons don't ask big questions
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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