Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
