Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
