I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
