I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
