I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
