is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
