im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize