don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
