My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
