Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
