I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
