my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
