I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
