she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
