i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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