imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
