i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
