i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
